When it comes to ages and milestones I have only struggled with my 28th prior to this one that is. Strangely, I am 48, turning 49 in the summer. I had forgotten about my 28th year and how difficult I found it. I guess the only good thing was that by the time I hit 29 I was over my growing older crisis. Now at 48 I find myself in a similar situation. This time however, my worries and I suppose fears, are not centred around what I have not yet achieved but on the things I don’t want to change or lose.
I have finally found my place in the world and that only came with finding my one true love. I know how lucky I am to have found this love and I appreciate the fact that so many people never will. But this is also the root of my rediscovered fear of turning another year older and another year closer to the next milestone age.
I have a beautiful family that is quite large now due mainly to my two lovely and prolific brothers as well as my fantastic step children. I want to take a snapshot of my life right now and then say “this is where I want to stay, right here, right now.” Because I have never been more safe, more loved or more content than I am at this very moment. If it is not possible to stay here then at least slow the clock down, make every minute last a bit longer. Let me enjoy every moment with these people who are my life. My gorgeous Pamela who captured my heart over a pub lunch. My grandma who is well into her 9th decade spanning two centuries. My parents who taught me how to love and still show me be example every day. My brothers, who will always be “the boys”. My eldest brother and his pride of having kids in 4 different decades and two different centuries! My step “kids”, their partners and our granddaughters. Also my 10 month old Labrador. Now maybe you can understand my hesitation in taking this next step along the road to 50. I know for some this will seem old already but for others you will be thinking ” only 50…I wish!”
Wherever you are along your road I hope you take a snapshot too and look at where you are, what you have achieved and appreciate every moment. If you are not yet at that perfect place in your life and you are struggling to achieve just remember, as one of my new favourite lines in a movie goes, “it will all turn out in the end and if it doesn’t turn out then it is not yet the end.”
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